1-to-1 Mentorship
What if the body was trying to save you?
If so, what do you think it is trying to tell you?
How do you think we can support ourselves to listen to what it has to say?
This ‘Somatic’ or body-led line of questioning meets disorganised states with compassionate inquiry and a logical lens.
So, how does the body try to save us?
Three ways we can look at it is:
Nervous system arousal - the nervous system, which is designed to keep you alive, tags moments of significance. When these moments come up again, we get a massive dose of energy (cortisol and adrenalin) in order to overcome what was previously too much. In the absence of social support and reps with appropriate skills to meet the demand, we feel this heat as a warning sign to not go anywhere near it. As we avoid, distract and soothe back to baseline, the potential triggers become wider and energy allocation even more severe as the body tries to help us go through, not around, what is undeniable. This feels like a shrinking world with more frequent threats and higher reactivity to them.
Hiding our truth - when we are in states of hyper-arousal our body assumes we are metaphorically walking across the desert without our tribe, food or water. It is highly illogical at this time to sit down and debrief about the day. Besides, there is no one there to do that with, and we know that a non-negotiable ingredient of digestion is an empathetic witness. In the same way that we get sick only when we finally slow down, the body keeps us going, hiding the keys to the library while we run hot, refusing to give them back until we find the oasis. This feels like disintegrated memories and irrational responses (hyper/hypo activation).
Wild adoption - up until 2007, most of the world lived in rural environments. Further to that, 90% of our human history was spent in close-knit tribes as hunter-gatherers. Our primitive nervous system, in trying to arrange the care we desperately need, lunges us towards others, especially those who signify higher social rank or potential refuge. Today, we find ourselves in exploitive relationships with non-kin others (partners, bosses, friends) who do not have a tribal investment in our emotional stability and, instead, simply view us as a ready resource.
How does Somatic work meet us in this disorganised state?
Promoting unconditional acceptance - understanding the body and the nervous system reveals to us that anyone else under the same circumstances would, in all likelihood, arrive at a very similar position to where you are today. When we see our circumstances as evolutionarily logical, we find the innocence in our experience, and a version of humanity emerges that doesn’t need to be hidden from us.
Recognising down-regulation as the ticket to play - hyper-arousal was designed as a fleeting response that some of us have unfortunately internalised as the story of our life. By beginning to build the reps of returning to refuge, we reduce the necessity for our body to try to save us, and we start to take back some of that exported sovereignty.
Drawing out undigested highly emotive moments - when the body trusts that we are ready to receive the truth, we can start to not only feel what needs to be felt, but also complete energetic cycles that have been cut short. Instead of ‘thinking through’ or ‘talking out’ it is ‘feeling through’ and ‘acting out.’
Understanding a drowning person can’t learn to swim - we have to re-build a container for our re-experience and practice dipping in and dipping out so that we can demonstrate to the body a track record of overcoming whilst simultaneously maintaining the necessary functionality of everyday life.
Unlocking agency - as we peel back the layers of our healing, we start to see the unconscious cycles that were in place. These felt a lot like fate, but as we break the screen of ignorance, each moment presents itself as an opportunity for relating to ourselves, others and the world in a lighter and more playful exploration that can bring about results of our design.
How does this compare to other contemporary approaches?
Below are anecdotal experiences of my own healing journey, we can judge for ourselves what perspective we would like to hold on to and what we would like to place to the side.
“Why do you think your colleague can go to work, but you can’t leave the house?” - this question was presented to me on day 1 of asking for help from a non-Somatic practitioner whilst experiencing severe anxiety, depression and burnout. Self-supported inquiry is fundamental to recovery, but doing so before safety often ends in shame. We are assuming rational observations are going to be born from a time of high irrationality. Who is acting disorderly now? Through a Somatic lens instead, we ask, as we have already, what if the body was trying to save me? What if anxiety was presenting the boundaries that I could not present myself? What if I learnt to listen to the body? Presenting an example of functionality to someone in non-functional burnout is likely to only propel them to re-enter toxic environments that continue to deliver sub-par results.
“Am I catastrophizing?” - at the end of a session with a non-Somatic practitioner, I was handed a piece of paper with a cartoon character underneath a speech box asking: “Am I catastrophizing?” With ample examples of over-reacting spread out on the page around him. Instead of searching for a neat label to put on an already back-breaking load of disempowerment, what if we ask, why are you reactive? It was a lot more helpful under the guidance of a Somatic Teacher to ask whether my emotional experience was met with anxiety or empathy throughout my life. How many times was my hand up for help met with silence or a high-five? This ‘Catastrophizing’ once again found rationality as both a boundary to the world that had shown itself as highly unsafe and a louder cry for tribal support when quieter attempts were ignored.
“So you finally found the words of refusal?” - describing myself to a non-Somatic practitioner as a recovering people pleaser was matter-of-factly met quickly with the question, “So you finally found the words of refusal?” To which I emphatically replied, “No!” We all know how to say this word, and practising saying no in front of the mirror does nothing more than mask our authenticity (another recommendation that was offered). What I found was the relationship projection. People pleasing often begins with parent pleasing, and I had learnt to regulate the emotional experience of others very early. I used this same attachment style with my peers, partners, superiors and even strangers. I saw them all as fractals of my original attachment and feared if I didn’t please them I would be threatened with disconnect when I needed them most.
The next section is to provide insight into mentorship opportunities more specifically for advanced individuals or practitioners looking to expand their skills. If you are just beginning your exploration of self-care, there may be some terms/concepts that are unfamiliar - I encourage you to check out the long-form section of the platform, which provides significant resources should you wish to dig deeper.
Where does the Three Abandonments Protocol fit in?
What if we not only demonstrated a return to functionality and consistent overcoming but also called out the cultural poverty that currently meets and perpetuates disorganised states? The Three Abandonments provides an opportunity to do just that:
The first abandonment represents the shortfalls in our original attachment with our primary caregivers.
The second abandonment represents the projection of those shortfalls (and logical consequences) onto relationships and environments outside of the home.
The final abandonment represents the day our body finally says no. Our hyper-independent, hyper-vigilant pursuit loses steam, and we start to confuse our experience with our identity and our identity with our fate. This is when the fragile flame of hope begins to dim.
To which we have ripe conditions to ask another round of questions:
What if human beings weren’t born, what if human beings were made?
What if we have lost the social construct (village) that kept us safe, in synch and supported?
What if our highest expression was our ability to give and receive love?
We are well aware that amygdala (threat detector) dysregulation is a hallmark of adverse states.
We are well aware that a smaller hippocampus is characteristic of many adverse states, the example of PTSD below shows a squashed grape effect with reductions as high as 26%. Depression and dissociation have shown a reduction in hippocampal volume of 19%.
Too often, we end there, with a symptomatic description instead of a deeper investigation.
What if we also understood that:
Amygdala volumes at 22 years old can be predicted at 18 months old based on insecure parental attachment.
Hippocampus volumes at 13 years old can be predicted at 4 years old based on parental support.
Urban environments increase amygdala reactivity and produce humans with smaller hippocampi.
Low oxytocin is characteristic of emotional trauma. Unsurprisingly, given oxytocin protects the hippocampus against uncontrollable stress, stimulates hippocampus neurogenesis, and suppresses the amygdala.
These are examples of the first abandonment.
What if we also understood that:
Parental synchrony between 1-6 months of age, predicts a child’s engagement with their best friend at 3 years.
Parental sensitivity in early childhood predicts prosocial behaviour at age 9.
Insecure parental attachment under 4.5 years old predicts a more than doubling of risk-taking behaviours at age 15.
Security of parent-child relationship predicts the security of romantic partner relationships at age 28.
Low oxytocin is associated with addiction, whilst increases in oxytocin reduce both the self-administration and perceived benefit of cocaine.
These are examples of the second abandonment.
Now we see the ‘human making’ or lack thereof at work. This is poignantly demonstrated through children who lack human upbringing reverting to a type of homo-ferus marked by non-verbal communication and animal-like behaviour. We, for better or worse, are not on a pre-destinated path of maturity, instead our humanness we often take for granted, is best described as a fragile elevation that is maintained by our elders.
This begs the question, is the final abandonment true? Is our past predictive of our future? Is all hope lost?
First, we have to establish the flexibility of physiology. Can we change or is the cake baked?
To which we see encouraging results such as:
Those who practice yoga have a per-hour correlation with increased hippocampus volume, up to 15% larger than baseline (representing a much larger gap with, for example, PTSD-diagnosed individuals).
Attention to breath exercises down-regulate the amygdala.
A vibratory out-breath has been shown to be more effective than sleep at turning over from a sympathetic to a parasympathetic nervous system.
A single bout of resistance training improves memory consolidation.
Oxytocin levels increase during compassion-based meditation practices.
None of these tools are new, nor are they particularly difficult to become acquainted with. But they do reverse the ‘making sense’ process of a lot of contemporary approaches.
Instead of heavy reliance on the prefrontal cortex upfront e.g. Why do you think? Are you catastrophizing? Can you find the words? We return to safety (brain stem), flex our emotional muscle (limbic) and then re-narrate our hero story (prefrontal cortex).
What this represents is healing in the very same way we grew from child to adult, which is also the same way we evolved from reptile to mammal to primate.
Our prefrontal cortex is not fully mature until our third decade, our limbic system is largely exported to our parents until 10.5 years old, which means our personal role in our early years survival rests on our brain stem. In disorganised states that have descended to non-functionality, we often get feelings that translate into words, calling for attention to this primitive base, heard as “I’m just trying to survive.”
Secondly, we have to rebuild the lost village in an era of crowded loneliness.
It doesn’t mean letting go of everyone we know, but it does encourage us to audit our inner circle, asking ourselves for example:
Do I have enough healthy relationships to maintain this or that unhealthy relationship?
Do I know the difference between caring for and caring about someone?
And asking others:
If you say you love me, what is it you love about me?
If you say you love me, isn’t there a shared responsibility that comes with those words?
We are being called to aggressively define the members of our village, and construct a sturdy wall and moat around us. Within that space, we will go about exploring new ways of relating to ourselves, others and our environment, but in its absence, we are paddling upstream.
Thirdly, we have to recognise - what is our highest expression?
This can be demonstrated on a continuum of ego-centricity to empathy. If our responsibility is to shape the growth of another (the fragile elevation), it falls logically into place that those as yet mature will socially present themselves as in need of assistance, rather than providers.
Once again, this self-focused behaviour is the body trying to save us. Only when we have received a non-negotiable set of tools do we then look towards passing those on to others. Unfortunately, the lights go out for many before this moment comes about.
We see this, too, in the brain. The same area responsible for the extensive (necessarily so) ego-centricity of childhood in order to garner care is the same area that separates ego-centric from empathetic persons in the adult population. What we may say is that despite the candles on the cake, some of us are stuck in child-like states. This is where we see intergenerational effects, or what I like to call cultural poverty. Immature parents create immature kids, who become immature parents and so forth. There is no need to argue intent, we can run on a baseline of best wishes, but it does not remove the facts.
What we are left with is an opportunity to:
compassionately inquire as to the early social origins of disorganised states,
somatically support their resolution, and
re-direct our desire towards a commitment to the responsibility for the maturity of ourselves and to be a well-equipped steward for the next generation.
In doing so, while we may not ask for our suffering again, we recognise that it has uniquely offered us the sacred rite of passage into awakening if we choose to take it.
To your healing 💙
Jas
The 1-to-1 waitlist is currently back open for mentorship of both individuals seeking guidance and practitioners looking to widen their skills. If this is something you are interested in, send an email with the subject “1-to-1 session” to:
jason@jasfield.com
